“Words create worlds.” – Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel
In the beginning, God did not bring forth everything from nothing in a flurry of activity. Rather, God brought forth all of creation through the power of the spoken word. God spoke the universe into being. Words do indeed create worlds.
The words we use reveal our assumptions and perspectives, and the questions we ask signal the outcomes we’ll get — whether they are the outcomes we want or not. Nowhere is this likely more apparent than in your efforts to tend to the vocation and well-being of all of your members.
The perspective of well-being
We know that “well-being” encompasses more than consideration of one’s physical condition. Yet, despite efforts to adopt a more holistic approach to well-being, we simply can’t seem to get past problem-solving the physical needs and care of our elderly and frail members.
As we try to move from a perspective that views aging and its effects as problems to a more meaningful approach to holistic well-being, we shouldn’t underestimate the impact that societal norms and cultural conditioning have on our thinking and perspective. Western society treats aging and its effects as a pathology or a disease. If it can’t be cured, then let’s at least try to delay aging as long as possible. Older or aging adults are perceived through the lens of their deficits or incapacities, rather than through the lens of their assets and capacities, and always come up short when compared to younger generations or younger versions of themselves.
Imagine how religious communities could contribute to shifting the cultural narrative around aging toward a more holistic, realistic, and respectful view of elderhood. What an opportunity for a much-needed prophetic witness!
What might that look like? And where would you start to shift the narrative?
Asking different questions
The surest way to change a conversation is to ask different questions. The surest way to shift from solving problems to exploring possibilities is to ask questions of purpose. Posing and answering questions of purpose can provide the necessary context to inform your “problems” with meaning and value.
Consider the two approaches below. Each set of initial questions signals inherent assumptions and perspectives and will yield very different conversations with very different outcomes. The assumptions and perspectives embedded in each set of questions have their own internal logic, and once you start down a path, it’s hard to change your direction mid-journey.
However, it’s never too late to ask different questions, use different words, and create different worlds.
Problem-solving approach
Framing questions: Where and how will I/we be taken care of? Who will take care of me/us? How much will that care cost?
Assumptions and perspective:
- Typically, these are questions about or for aging and elder members.
- Members are objects to be taken care of. Aging and its effects create problems. Problems are meant to be solved.
- Implies engagement in and contribution to our mission declines as we age.
- Creates competition for resources (time, energy, and financial), with an over-expenditure of time and energy on the needs of, or concern for, aging and elders.
- Typically, these questions are focused on physical limitations and risk management; they define and segregate elder members accordingly.
- Leads to a deficit-based approach to care; care is an end in itself.
Purpose and possibilities approach
Framing questions: What gives you/me a sense of purpose, identity, and belonging at this time in my life? How can/do you/I engage in and contribute to community and mission at this time in my/your life? What will sustain me in my vocation?
Assumptions and perspective:
- These are questions for all members.
- Members are agents in and of their own lives and together create and share purpose, identity, and belonging. Aging and its effects are normal experiences of life. Experiences are meant to be lived.
- Vocation is lived fully across a person’s lifespan, but may be expressed differently at different stages. All contribute to the community and mission at every stage of life.
- Resources are aligned to support and sustain the vocation of all members. This approach recognizes that resources for the members are resources for the mission.
- Leads to an asset-based approach to support; support is in service to meaning, purpose, and belonging.
From problems to possibilities
While the framing questions posed in the problem-solving approach are questions that may eventually need to be answered, they are essentially devoid of value and context. The questions in the purpose and possibilities approach have the potential to not only provide value and context for the “problems” that need to be solved, but can altogether reframe what might be considered to be a problem. How will you begin to shift the conversation in your own community?
Shifting your perspective isn’t easy, but you don’t have to do it alone. Our team partners with religious institutes to support leadership teams with holistic member well-being, lifelong formation, and vibrant communal living. Reach out to us to start a conversation, or visit our service page to learn how we can help.
